Can Incompatible Attachment Styles Affect Your Relationship?

Are you aware of your and your partner’s attachment style? Let’s find out how compatible you are.

You must have come across the term ‘attachment style’ on your social media, and that too from your favourite wellness influencers. Therapist Alex Greenward explains it as the way people communicate with each other. The styles can influence how much time you spend with each other, how you prefer to show you care, and how you like to make someone feel secure. Every relationship is impacted by a particular attachment style affected by jealousy, trust, commitment, intimacy and emotional attachment.

Attachment styles are not always compatible. The clash is what feeds a conflict. It is essential to understand our own attachment and our partners’ to reduce tension. Once we are thorough with the perspective, it is easier to come to a resolution.

The popular categories of attachment styles:

Here are the four common attachment styles people relate to.


They have higher emotional intelligence and are focused on the positive reaps of the relationship. They are confident about themselves and their partner and prefer to act independently.


They are always preoccupied with anxiety about their relationship. They tend to feel jealous and need constant validation to feel loved. Such a habit often develops due to a history of a problematic relationship.


These tend to feel avoidant and are self-sufficient. They avoid commitment and tend to be alone. They are not the people made for a serious romantic relationship and are a perfect mismatch with the anxious kind.


These are people who fear intimacy due to a traumatic past with relationships. They have few close relationships and fear adding new people to their lives.

If you can identify the categories that fit your relationship style, you can talk to your counsellor to help you get a general idea and be optimistic about your relationship.

A person’s relationship style won’t necessarily fit in the above categories, but it embodies qualities from one or more attachment styles. When the attachment style of you and your partner are incompatible with each other, it causes a breach of communication and distress in your relationship.

For instance, those who have a secure attachment style will be ready to jump into an exclusive relationship and begin to discuss moving in together. While the avoidant will be sceptical about such a drastic decision and will stick to short term goals.

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